First, I have to apologize from my absence from writing. I could make excuses, but it just comes down to the fact I haven't sat down to write in a while. So I am rectifying that now.
Now, on to writing.
Lately, I have been thinking a lot about divorce, not because Robin and I were thinking about it, but because it is something going on all around us. On a certain level, it bothers me quite a bit. I always wonder what happens in a relationship where you get to the point where you don't love one another anymore.
I know, on an intellectual level, that sometimes it can't be avoided. Sometimes there wasn't a strong enough foundation to hold it all together. Sometimes, you realize you married a giant douche who is running around on you. Sometimes, you realize your partner is a sociopath, and that is the safer road.
Sometimes, though, it really seems that the only reason is that one or the other refused to grow. Marriage is a living thing. You need to grow, together, and both need to put effort into it, or it dies.
I think the only reason it hit me so hard recently, is because Robin is sick. We had our own share of problems over the years, and we were walking the line at a time; but we grew. We fought for our relationship, and we came through it on the other side. And then we got this prize. Yay us.
And it leveled me. Everything we fought for, everything we held together might end up being taken from us anyway. All that work might not mean anything due to the cosmic forces set against us. What a bitch that is.
Whet it comes down to it, the thought of not having Robin with me terrifies me. She is my best friend. The thought of not having our random conversations, not having someone to bounce my random stupid thoughts off of. Not having my soul mate with me.
The possibility of losing her to cancer terrifies me, and the fact that other people are throwing it away pisses me off.
But I'll get off my podium.