I think the holidays are going to be rough this year. This will be our first holiday without her. I'm still not quite sure how to feel about it. I'm sad that she's gone, and I'm going to miss her. At the same time, the kids love the holidays, and I'm sure that will take some of the edge off.
I'm not sure how Thanksgiving will effect me. I'm not looking at it like I have nothing to be thankful for this year. I still have so much to be thankful for. I have my three amazing children, I have the rest of my family, I have my job. I have my friends. And I have every memory Robin and I had together.
I'm thankful that she has no pain any more. I'm thankful for the good days we had in spite of sickness. I'm thankful for every day we had. Which, as I just discovered come out to:
5438 days from when we started dating in 1996 or
130512 Hours, spent together, thinking of being together. or
7830720 minutes. That seems like a lot of small moments that became something wonderful. Or,
469843200 Seconds, even though it will never seem like enough.
The total of our time as a couple was 14 years, 10 months and 21 days. We were married for 11 years, 5 months and 14 days. So the way I see it, just looking at the raw numbers, I have a lot to be thankful for.
And I have 3 really good things to be thankful for.
I think Thanksgiving will be better than I thought.
In retrospect, we were pretty upbeat last Thanksgiving too.
"You have to enjoy every day, or you will wake up and find you don't have many left."