This time last week, I was in shock.
This time this week, I'm still in shock.
Most of the time, it still doesn't seem real. Every time I come home from being home with the kids, there is part of me that expects her to be there. Like I'm just waiting for her. Well, I am, just on a longer scale.
I've made it a point to start showing the little ones older pictures. Showing them their Mommy when she was healthy. I think filling my mind with those pictures, and those memories is helping a lot. I know she wanted us to remember her as healthy and vibrant, so I'm doing my best to do that.
I really want to reinforce the kids memories of her, so I'm spending a lot of time in the videos and pics on the computer. The actual photo albums will come a little later.
We picked her ashes up today, and that was very emotional. I know she isn't in there anymore, but I couldn't help it.
At a week out, the pain comes and goes in severity. It is constant, but sometimes it is an ache in my heart. A resignation to the new truth of my life. Sometimes it swings over to utter despair, though, those are coming fewer.
I'm being strong for the kids. I promised.